The pre-child me and her parenting wisdom

July 13, 2015 by Keri Jarvis

The pre-child me and her parenting wisdom

Scrolling through Pinterest, eyeing up nursery rooms adorned with more detail than my wedding, I was sucked in. This was it- the key to a happy start to motherhood- choose a theme, shop, decorate, create a peaceful yet appropriately stimulating space for my baby to call home 7pm-7am (HA!)…..the rest would fall into place.

The old me knew this and more about motherhood- the me that was yet to have a child…
I imagined singing to my contented newborn in the white rocking chair (one of many vintage ebay purchases, lovingly brought back to life), or time spent just watching him lay quietly gurgling under the mobile in his cot. I was very clear also about what I wouldn’t be tolerating as he grew older too, and the sort of routines that would guide us through our days. The organic vegetables that were to come, the absence of sugar in his diet, the strict limits on tv time.

I was in control. I would manage this parenting situation with ease- if I could be accountable for millions of pounds in turnover, and hundreds of employees, one tiny baby would be a doddle. I would set the direction for our life together, and he would fall in line.

And then, Louis was born. And it all went out the window, of course. In the 2 years since, I’ve watched more tv than I thought possible, regularly surrendered to his whims, repeatedly resorted to bribing him into his buggy with a Home Made Bakery gingerbread man. I could go on…

Is there anyone out there who is the parent they imagined themselves to be??!! Who sticks with their plans, cultivated over years of child free perspective- you remember those days when you had time to contemplate anything other than survival?

I think so many of us imagine that we can apply our workplace competence to our parenting, and think our way to ‘success’, whatever that means (everyone still alive and asleep by 10pm, maybe?). But there is no quarterly review, no financial reward, and very little thanks. The rules have changed. To get the emotional rewards, we have to ‘feel’ our way through the daily maze, and hope that we are doing ok. We can plan, of course, but we must accept that these plans may well be fruitless (FYI- we moved house when Louis was 9 months old, before he had even spent a night in that nursery).

So I say, to the pre child me, and to those of you yet to embark on a parenting adventure, before you judge us, walk a mile in our shoes (navigating the Broadway with an empty buggy in one arm, and a toddler in the other trying to remove your sunglasses). It turns out it’s harder than you probably think.

*Sanity saver- luckily, here in Leigh, there is plenty of help at hand, I’ll be sharing some of it with you over the coming weeks, phew!*

Keri Jarvis, Founder of The Baby Project, Leigh on Sea, & HypnoBirthdays

www.thebabyprojectleighonsea.co.uk