On babysitting

September 28, 2015 by Ray Morgan

On babysitting

My arms ache. Like, really ache. Don't be fooled - I've not been to the gym - more like I had to carry a toddler on the verge of a nervous breakdown up the hill from the beach yesterday until he fell asleep, a dead weight in my puny arms. Mothers of the world: I envy your guns.

My partner and I don't have children, and we probably won't, but it doesn't mean we don't like kids so we often look after them. Yesterday we had my nephew, almost two, for the day. It started excellently - we played 'Jenga' (code for me making a tower of wooden bricks for him to knock down). Then Jo made us chocolate pancakes on her new crepe maker. Jack loved it: he had the most chocolatey chops, eyes closed going "mmm" and when I asked him what did it taste like, he went "Caaaaake!"

We took him down to the beach where we threw stones in the water, I taught him what seaweed was ("weeweed") and we ate a picnic and it was all marvellous fun. There may have been a lay-on-the-floor tantrum about not wanting to get in his buggy. He may have wrestled himself out of our grip near a busy road. But eventually, he got too tired to walk so up he went, us taking turns to carry him, proving a better workout than lifting weights. Bicep curls? Pah! Carry a sleepy child! I feel like Iron Man today! Albeit a very tired Tony Stark.

What's nice about us not having children of our own is that we can look after our friends' kids and do fun stuff (squirting water at each other round the house, eating cake mix off the spoon, staying up late to read stories) and then give them back. It means the parents get a bit of respite, which is a great feeling.

One of my favourite babysitting episodes was having a friend's two sons one December, who must have been only 6 and 7 at the time, and convincing them that we'd asked Father Christmas to visit our place a week early just for them. They totally bought into it, and we made cakes to give to the big man and Rudolph, and left them out with a glass of milk, and a carrot - we'd even got one of those frondy-topped carrots from the greengrocer. Then, in the night, we put filled stockings at their feet and sprinkled flour on the floor by their beds, and stamped boot prints in it to look like snow. Jo wrote a note 'from' Father Christmas and they were beside themselves in the morning. One of them even said "I heard the sleigh bells in the night!" Haha! We had totally fooled them!

Sometimes, when you say to people that you don't want children they think it means that you don't like kids, or you aren't maternal, but it doesn't have to be as black and white as that. I absolutely love spending time with my friends' children, and of course my pancake-loving little nephew. Over the years I've watched the two boys of 'Fake Santa Night' grow up into lovely young chaps, one of them starting secondary school next year (sob!), and love that I have been a part of their lives. I get so much enjoyment from hanging out with them, and I hope they think the same of me too.

My top 5 things to entertain a toddler:

1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar animation (it's on Netflix!)
2. Chocolate bribery, classic
3. Creating a 'track' for toy trains using Jenga bricks
4. Throwing stones into the sea (therapeutic, but mind the swimmers)
5. Reading stories - when all else fails, you can't beat a bloody good book.