Tales Of A 30 Year Old Babysitter

December 15, 2014 by Ray Morgan

Tales of a 30 year old babysitter

I recently looked after my friend's two sons, aged 8 and 9, and took them out for breakfast as a treat. I felt proud as their 'Faux Aunt' (as their Mum calls me) when they ordered their breakfasts politely and said their pleases and thank-yous, and ate their food with proper cutlery and engaged in some intelligent conversation.

While we ate, we chatted about what we'd do next time we met. They usually ask to go to Kids' Kingdom, also known as Hell On Earth. It's a play centre, as I'm sure you're all aware, where kids run riot on inflatable bouncy castles, the weaker kids get pelted with plastic balls from the ball pit, and the air is a fog of sweaty socks, hot dogs, and the acrid scent of a £3.99 plastic cup of white wine for the weary guardians.

The 8 year old said "Maybe you could teach us how to knit!" and the 9 year old said "And we could all play instruments!" My partner and I looked at each other and thought how sweet it was that they wanted to do what seemed like such old-fashioned pursuits. That as young boys growing up fast, they didn't think it girly to knit, or boring to learn an instrument. That in an age where babies seem to know how to play Candy Crush on iPhones on buses (I've seen it, I swear) they didn't feel the need for anything wildly techy to keep them entertained.

Then the 9 year old totally floored us and said "Yeah! We could spend the whole day doing our hobbies! We don't have to go to Kids' Kingdom or go out at all, we can do all the things we like at home!" - I could have wept. You mean we DON'T have to hold the coats and shoes at an indoor play centre that smells of feet? PRAISE BE.

I look forward to the day where we battle with giant knitting needles and I cast on for them, where we faff over colourful balls of Aldi wool and make scarves for their teds. Where we dig out our guitars and ukuleles and bongos and maracas and make some crazy sounds (sorry in advance neighbours). And they didn't even mention Netflix once...

My top 5 favourite things to do when babysitting:

1. Introduce ALL children to Harry Potter (whether they care about it or not)
2. Play the card game 'Pig' - it turns into a RIOT, much hilarity ensues
3. Talk about how much better cartoons were in the 80s and 90s (they don't care much about this either)
4. 'Build your own pizzas' with pitta breads and bowls of toppings
5. Play films on the projector with a sheet rigged up, and popcorn