Being a January cliche...

January 5, 2015 by Ray Morgan

Being a January cliche...

I walked into my office today after 2 glorious, languorous weeks off and was delighted to see that my team's 'tea rounds' had started immediately. Four of us make hot drinks for each other throughout the day, giving us all a nice break away from our computers at instalments during the 9-5.
Usually I favour a builder's tea with cow's milk and sometimes a cheeky half sugar. But today I said "green tea please" and as the words came out of my mouth, as I posted my well meaning tupperware of leftover rice salad in the office fridge, I felt like a January cliche. I *am* a January cliche!
I made juice, from actual fruit and vegetables, and Instagrammed it under #healthyjanuary (I know. What have I become?) I have given up booze for the whole #dryjanuary thing. Even though there are unopened bottles of tequila and whisky, received as Christmas gifts, looming on the kitchen worktop. I am trying to avoid stuffing my face with so much dairy, even though just a week ago I was loading cheese onto buttered bread with a cup of milky tea beside me.
In fact I ate so much cheese over the 2 weeks off that I had an eczema flare up. That's pretty bad! There I was, idly wondering what kind of chutney I should have on that slab of stilton (mulled wine or caramelised onion?), when I noticed red dots the size of 5ps on my forearms. I didn't stop, though. I said to myself simply, "January" and carried on eating, pausing only for a quick scratch.
I went past a local school on my way to work this morning that had a perky Slimming World A-board propped up outside, claiming "New Year, New You!" in dry-wipe marker. They must cash in this time of year. Guilty, suet-pudding faces climbing on to scales and trying to forget that on Boxing Day they ate a whole Terry's Chocolate Orange with a pint of Bailey's. BEFORE DINNER.
I think what we must remember is that yes, it's bad how many calories we consumed over Christmas - but it's okay. I too had those stabs of guilt, when the fridge light was obscured by the oh-so-many blocks of cheese, bottles of Advocaat and Quorn sausage rolls, but we mustn't feel awful over it. We have made Christmas into a time of excess, and it's hard to get off a train that steamrollers past vegetables and fruit and favours Bad Things.

Here are my Top 5 things to do to appease Christmas guilt

1. Buy a cookbook by Yotam Ottolenghi – such healthy wonders! Such visual delights!
2. Actually do drink green tea. Don’t buy it and ignore it at the back of the cupboard (Dad!). It’s VERY good for you.
3. Ease yourself off the cheese-wagon by switching to goat’s and ewe’s instead. HALLOUMI.
4. Don’t sign up to a gym if you won’t go. Don’t kid yourself.
5. Indulge in a new box set and take your mind off the crisps in the cupboard. Don’t think about them. Think about advertising in the 1960s'/a brutal murder in a small town/listless twentysomethings instead. Done!