Foodie Rich Christmas Special

December 22, 2015 by Rich - Foodie Reviewer

Foodie Rich Christmas Special

‘The Perils of the Office Christmas Meal’

ITS CHRISTMAS!! Aren't we all getting in to the festive spirit? I know I am. Only one problem though, it’s a real pain to get a table in some restaurants, even mid week. Most places are packed to the rafters this time of year with diners enjoying the festive period. Even when I can get a table, it’s almost impossible to get a true taste of the restaurant. Most introduce a festive menu, and nice as the food may be, it wouldn’t be fair to judge the restaurant on this basis, and what about the poor overworked chef? This time of year certainly separates the men from the boys. So I’ve decided, no review this week. But, lets have a bit of fun instead! Think of this as a kind of ‘Festive Foodie Rich Special’! What a great way to end the year. Gosh, it feels like the last day of term at school!

Well, I'd like to share one of my all time foodie nightmares! Strange I know? I love food, why the hell would I want to talk about bad food! But Here goes. Once a year these three words fill me with dread; ‘Office Christmas Meal’. The thought of this annual tradition doesn't really excite me. Ok, after a few cold drinks I enjoy it, but more often than not its never a memorable evening in terms of food. Yeah ok, we’re always left with memories of that one guy, who maybe over indulges a little too much in the free flowing booze (that’s never me I hasten to add!) Or what about that floozy, normally from accounts, who jumps on anything in trousers after a few glasses. All this carry on is almost as predictable as the mediocre grub which is served, and that's what disappoints me. Normally it consists of mass produced, non-inventive, badly cooked festive fayre. Being the foodie I am, every meal counts, I mean life's too short for a bad meal, so I can't really say I ever enthuse at the thought of this annual jaunt.

What's worse is when that email appears in your inbox! Subject, ‘Christmas Meal 2015’. Now, if this email arrived in November I could start to think seriously about it, but it arrives in September. It's warm and sunny outside, summer is still with us, I'm busy thinking about a nice cold beer outside the Billet at the weekend, and what I will be bbq’ing later that evening. Give me a break! I struggle to make a decision on tomorrow’s dinner, but now I’ve got to decide what I want to eat in 4 months time. To add more pain, the menu is reminiscent of a 1970’s dinner party! Blimey, who’s cooking this, Fanny Craddock? How does melon and Parma ham for starters take your fancy? Or how about the ‘alleged’ homemade pate and Melba toast? I say alleged, as I've fallen foul of this before. I almost felt impelled to enforce the trade descriptions act and make a citizens arrest! Moving on quickly from those retro starters, what's for mains? Well, you've just got to go for turkey and all the trimmings haven't you? After all, it is Christmas, and its not as if we won’t be eating enough of the bloody stuff over the coming weeks.

In my house we eat turkey for days on end. Being ever more inventive with the leftovers is the challenge? Stir-fry’s, casseroles, curries I've done em all? My dads post Christmas Turkey Biryani is now legendary! But, Ordering turkey is a big risk, there’s nothing worse than over cooked turkey, and it's so easily done. Maybe I should go for the fish dish, fillet of salmon, sounds nice. Oh, but this is such a dilemma; over cooked salmon is just as bad as over cooked turkey. Ive now got a one in two chance of getting this right, what do I do? Hang on, what about the veggie option? Nah, forget that! A filo parcel filled with some nuts and stuff, probably resembling sweepings from a rabbit’s cage, no thanks!! So turkey or salmon? Ive just noticed something, It's says turkey and all the ‘trimmings’. The ‘trimmings’? These are bound to include one of my festive favourites; pigs in blankets, now this is a game changer. Sold! Turkey and all the ‘trimmings’ for me chef!

But what do I choose for starters? I know retro is all ‘on trend’ at the moment, just look at all those ‘vintage’ and ‘retro’ shops which are popping up all over the place. Fancy charity shops more like! All that’s vintage about them is the smell! But that's another story for another time!! Retro food though?? I mean, melon and Parma ham are you sure?? Well, I'll give the alleged homemade pate a go. I nearly forgot to add, the turkey is served with chef’s seasonal vegetables, I wonder what they will be? , Probably a few parsnips and roasties etc, just as long as those roasties aren't Aunt Bessie's! Also, make sure those veggies are all seasonal chef. If I catch a single asparagus spear posing as a winter vegetable I will despair!

So cometh the long anticipated Christmas meal. A few glasses of champers to ease myself in, a quick pull of the first festive cracker, and with my Christmas hat on, the pate arrived. Well, I would argue the claim of ‘homemade’ but it was all right. The Melba toasts were more like slices of cold soggy toast. Pate, toast and a dollop of the chutney on the side, it made for an Ok’ish edible starter. What about that all important turkey main? Ok, not the most succulent of birds I've ever tasted, clearly not a ‘Kelly Bronze’ but with a bit of gravy and cranberry sauce, it was beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! With just one small cocktail sausage sized ‘pig in blanket’ I was a little disappointed to say the least, I could of snaffled away three or four of these. But I guess I will just have to make the most of this small morsel on my plate. So, cut in to four very small pieces, in an effort to make this go further, it was all right. Let's not forget about the stuffing; two perfectly formed balls of Paxo, how nice! The veg? Remember, this is no ordinary veg, oh no, this is ‘Chefs seasonal selection’. So what did chef decide to serve? Carrots, broccoli and French beans! How long did it take chef to select those? Clearly he thought long and hard about that. Christmas pud anyone? I just had to give it a go. Fresh out of the microwave, with a meagre splash of crème anglaise….Yep you heard me right, crème anglaise! Give me strength, just call it custard please! This was the best course, it was pretty tasty, but more custard would have been nice. So with all that less than average festive fayre tucked away, the disco started. Now that's my que to seek solace at the bar and get stuck in to a festive whisky or two.

Hark at me this week, I sound all bah humbug, but I'm actually quite the opposite. I love Christmas. It’s a time to throw all diets out the window, and just eat what the hell you like; it's the feasting season after all. Even the dreaded office Christmas meal isn't that bad. Not everywhere serves up naff 1970’s dinner party food. I had a wonderful Christmas meal at Bourgee just the other weekend. We ordered off their festive set menu, and bloody nice it was too. But let's face it; the office Christmas party isn’t about the food. It's an opportunity to let your hair down with your colleagues, and forget all the stresses of the year just gone by.

With another year nearly under our belts, it hasn't been a bad one for the foodie. We've had some great new restaurants open, and more are planned for the New Year. So, Lou and I would like this opportunity to wish you all a very happy ‘foodie’ Christmas. You don't need me to tell you, just kick back and enjoy yourselves. Eat and drink well, we certainly will, it's what Christmas is all about.

Just before I sign off for 2015, I will be back with more restaurant reviews near the end of January. Lou and I are jetting off to India for a well earnt break straight after Christmas. Now I could talk for hours on the food of India, its foodie heaven. I can almost taste those curries already! Feel free to follow my travels on Twitter, @foodierich. My posts will probably consist of the usual holiday spam, hot dog legs and all. But, loads of food and drink too!! So have a good’n and catch ya’ll in 2016!